Interstate Studs

Interstate Studs

Three of us there, in our early twenties, during the late nineties. Standing outside the roadhouse restaurant, shooting the shit by the doorway. Tanned and tired from our long weekend in the woods.

Then that good looking girl came; a stranger in our midst. And she says: "Hi!"

We three respond as one: "Well hello."

She smiles radiantly before going inside.

"Do you know her?" Michael asks.

"No," Rami replies.

"Oh. Guess we're just a bunch of interstate studs then," Michael muses.

We break out in loud laughter!

This is all the heaven anyone ought to need...

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Gruß Vom Krampus!

Gruß Vom Krampus!


Jolly old Saint Nicholas?
An outdated yuletide hymn —

With more naughty brats than e'er
This season's ripe for him ...

Christ-Mass eve approaches;
Come now feared old goat,

Quit flipping those channels
(Give up that darn remote).

It's all commercials anyhow
After the clock strikes twelve:

Advertising crap to wrap
Like woeful workshop elves.

So stuff these stockings full of coal;
Bad boys and girls beware —

He'll spank you with birch branches
Or box your ears mid-air!

Johnny wants an iPod touch,
Susy's dreaming of VR.

Nellie thinks a 'Selfie Mic'
Will make her a big star.

As for us with half a brain
We still need to smarten ...

Send out our reminder
Via vintage Krampuskarten!

Image: And the Children Shall Inherit the Earth (Krampus) by Chris Buzelli.

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It's Festivus For The Rest of Us!

It's Festivus For The Rest of Us!

Strip down that tinsel tree to its bare aluminum pole.

Behold it has a very high strength-to-weight ratio.

Let the Airing of Grievances commence around the table.

Got a lot of problems with you people, and you're gonna hear about it!

Savor some meatloaf served on a bed of lettuce during dinner.

Up next come Feats of Strength; pin the patriarch or we continue.

Festivus YES — Bagels NO — Hey! No bagel, no bagel, no bagel ...

Don't be two-faced about the whole thing. Stand under good lighting.

If you buy nothing this season, it'll be a Festivus miracle!

All proceeds this year will go to the Human Fund: Money For People.

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Twitter Is Like, Crack.

Twitter Is Like, Crack.

Another sleepless night,
Course failed at school,
Day missed at work.

Casino fruit machines,
Dog and horse racetracks,
Barely compare to the blue bird.

Instant gratification
From a pleasant chime;
Irresistible urge to connect.

It's all or nothing on the line ...
What's trending now?
Who's hashtag tops the polls?

Follow those who reciprocate.
Cut loose the dead weight.
Hurrah for verified accounts!

Cursed be the white whale
Whenever Le Tuit does fail.
Cross your fingers, reload page.

140 characters should suffice to sayeth
Expressing cheap thoughts is all the rage.
While lost in cyberspace don't lose control — keep faith!

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Yucky Yuppy

Author's Note: For some context regarding this piece, please refer to this > ARTICLE.

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Yucky Yuppy


The age of the Hipster is officially over
Enter the era of the "Yuccie"
(Young Urban Creative)

Coasting off parental payments
Education exceeds intellect
A diploma equals entitlement

Little respect for predecessors
Qualitative labeling for all
Recapitulation due to oversight

Beatnik and Hippy rolled into one
With inauthentic pretentiousness
Even irony gets lost in the shuffle

Every damn dolt is now an artiste
There is perhaps no greater tragedy
Than meaning subverted by money

Anything to make a quick buck
Nothing is sacred that can be sold
The world's an oyster laid barren

Ah hell, take that selfie for Instagram
Watch another rerun of Seinfeld
Getting over oneself is no mere career move!

Image: Portlandia poster for "This is an art project" episode.

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Bluegrass and Shoplifting by Guest Bard JD DeHart

JD DeHart is a teacher and writer.  His work has appeared in Eye On Life Magazine, The Commonline Journal, and Steel Toe Review, among others.

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Bluegrass and Shoplifting 


During the summer, there was a face 
that would become familiar one day while other faces
screamed to be ignored. The hammer dulcimer
made its sound and the beard on stage sang
a song about a lost truck in the woods.
She listened for a bit before going  “shopping”.
She paused when the siren alarm went off,
yet was always allowed to pass with the CD in her purse
(a collection of late 90’s music - a soundtrack).
She ate some seaweed not because it was enjoyable,
but because it was eccentric; then sped
along narrow country roads like a NASCAR driver,
careening disastrously all the way home!

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Opinionated Young Men

Opinionated Young Men

Thoughts naught but thinly veiled agitation

Outspoken whenever there's an occasion

Convictions without factual validation

* Hatchlings peck at mother hen *

Adolescent lions patronize the pride

Impatient toward elders who preside

Overeager for openings to deride

Opinionated young men

Deaf except to their own voices

Greenhorns spooked by sudden noises

Leaving the civil with few kind choices

If you've had enough, say when ...

Image: Samson Slaying The Lion by Goran Gecovski.

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Comedy, Divine ?

COURT FOOL, n. The plaintiff.

~ Ambrose Bierce 

 

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Comedy, Divine ?

Laugh as if your lives depended on it

The wisdom of humor often falls on deaf ears

Just because something's funny doesn't mean that it's trivial

Comedians are often overlooked for pointing out what's obvious

But few others can put matters so succinctly or pointedly

Recall; Attic theater is represented by both tragic and comic masks

Spreading mirth might be the least appreciated of all art forms

Most people are either unable or refuse to look past any crudity

They miss coded messages mischievously packaged within jokes

Which is why the fool wields such secret power

Play's that thing wherein lies ensnared mind of a king —

Seriously now folks, laugh like your very lives depend on it!

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